you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
