if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
