I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
