so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
