First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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