I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
