I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
