I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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