saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You've changed since you got that strap on
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
