Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
