At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
