I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
