Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize