Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
