oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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