Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
