It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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