My underwear smells like fireworks.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She's the barista slut.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
