She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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