on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
