Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
