True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I think i got beer on your cat.
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