I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Randomize
