At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
