Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
