I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
This girl is more easily done than said...
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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