Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
