Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize