How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
