i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
