this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
