its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Lo siento on account of my penis...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize