I wish i was in the wii world.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
