What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
