You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You are a genius and a whore.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
