Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
