If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
