I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
