I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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