if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
As shirtless as possible
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
