Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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