Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
