there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
