Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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