dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
