If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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