If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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