you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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