Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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