I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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