I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
