So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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