Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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