You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
