Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
