um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
