i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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