I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
