I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
