Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
3 2 1 whiskey
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
