The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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