My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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