I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
