We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
