i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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