hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Randomize
