There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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