You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
