it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Someone came in the potted fern
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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