No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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