my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
it glows. i had to have it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
