But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
