I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
