New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Is Oprah even human
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
