wakey wakey hands off snakey
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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