he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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