all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize