chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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