There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
