I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
