I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize