A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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