I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
