I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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