Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
