It's Friday. Sex?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
