I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
