I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize