Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
