I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
