Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
