are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
