We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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