I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
